I am Not a Second Class Citizen

I dare you to watch this. And more importantly I dare you not to feel something after watching this.

I am brought to tears with how hateful and inhumane we as people can be, and it saddens me even deeper to know that people use God, church and the bible as a backing to their hate and a justification to their hateful behavior.

But, I am thankful for the deeper strength and love that sustains me on a daily basis - I know that Jesus loves me, I know that He is the underlying strength of who I am as a person. I know He is proud. And I know He blesses my marriage.

No amount of hate, no amount of protest, no amount of ignorance, and no one person or group can ever take that away from me.

Just try.

"The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures....Amazing Grace..."

Vows of Love

May 15th, 2011 was the best day of my entire life. I had everyone I loved in one room and most importantly I stood facing my girl and was able to pledge my love and my life to her!

Its been an interesting journey, but every step has been so worth it, as it brought us to where we are today!

A huge and heartfelt thank you to my friends and family who stepped in and stepped up to fill the void for Stace, she walked away feeling overwhelmingly loved by all of you, despite the absence that loomed in the back of her heart for the majority of her family who were not there. For those few of her family who were there - Thank You! And thank you for your ongoing support and love. We have our own family now and are blessed with the support and love of our family and friends who are a part of it. We love you all, thank you for making our day perfect. 

The vows I spoke to Stace on our special amazing day:

My beautiful beautiful girl,

It has been 7 amazing beautiful years, some of those times were the toughest we have ever had to trudge through. We have overcome so much together. As much opposition as we have faced, it has only made us stronger and will continue to make us stronger. Its also been 7 amazing years of laughter, love, hope, healing, faith and I look forward to countless more years to come.

I have learned so much from you - your honesty and integrity have taught me to be true to myself and true to others, your childlike spirit has taught me to be more adventurous with life and to not worry so much about everyone else. Your playfulness and your silliness has made me laugh more in this life, then I ever have before.

You have made me see beauty in things, I never thought was possible. You have made me see beauty within myself, something that was hard for me to find.

You continually encourage me in my faith, encourage me to continually go back to God, encourage me to be a better person all around when it comes to us seeking God together as a couple. And when we have faced opposition in our choice to walk hand in hand as a couple and when it seems easier to become angry or defensive, you have encouraged me to respond in only love and grace.

And most importantly you have loved me like no one else ever has, your love is the anchor to my soul.

Stace, I have often said you are my anchor, my rock- supporting me on many journeys and steadying me with your love. On this day, in front of God and all of our family and friends, I pledge my love to you.

I promise to always defend your right to be you- courageous, honest, full of light.

I promise to be your playmate who finds life a continual fun adventure, even at times when it seems silly or inappropriate I will dance with you, as though no one is watching.

I promise to remember that our highest values of love, faith, integrity, and honesty always come before and above material possessions.

I promise to encourage you in your dreams and work hand in hand as we build new dreams together.

I promise that when this life brings you sorrow I will hold the umbrella while you hold onto me.

I promise to proudly be by your side till we are old and gray and to always care for you when you are sick and celebrate with you in health.

I promise to always put God first in our lives as a couple and to go together to Him with you by my side as we go through life.  

And so, Stace, today I pledge my endless love to you. I promise to be your faithful lover, your steadfast companion, your best friend, your greatest cheerleader, and above all, hold you gently, but firmly, as the love of my life as long as we both shall live.

I love you Mrs. Stacey Chomiak-Robson! 

In 16 Days

In 16 days, I am getting married.

In 16 days, I am marrying my best friend.

In 16 days, I am marrying the love of my life.

In 16 days, I am marrying my soul mate.

In 16 days, I am marrying Stacey.

Some of you will read those statements and be excited for us, some may be overjoyed for us, some may think its awesome.

Some of you will read those statements and think, "that's disgusting", some will say, "its not legitimate", some will say, "God will not bless it", some of you will stop reading and close this blog.

I have been very careful about what I post on facebook about it, because at times I allow the fear of what other people think to overshadow the excitement I am feeling.

But I am done with that.

Those of you who don't agree and who have your opinions. Please stop for a moment and truly think about a couple of things.

Think of when you got engaged and the weeks, days and hours leading up to your big day, think of the planning and working out of every detail of your special day. Think of how overjoyed you were to share with those around you.

Now imagine for a second if people around you chose to ignore you because they did not agree with your marriage. Imagine if family backed off, distanced themselves and barely made any effort to talk to you, because they did not agree with your marriage. Think of all of the excitement you were feeling being squashed in a quick moment by an ignorant comment or a "well meaning" email void of love and encouragement, but full of ignorant advice, unloving advice, and speaking on behalf of how God feels about your choice. Imagine finding out only 3 members of your family would be in attendance, because heaven forbid the rest of your family allow love to overshadow agreement.

Think about it, don't just half ass read this and ignore these words, think about it. Think about how you would have truly felt leading up to your big day.

Stace is my world and I would do anything I could to make her world perfect, and unfortunately in 16 days I will have to protect her from all the hurt and disappointment that she has received from so many around her. And this angers me, as the only thing she should be thinking is excitement and joy as she makes herself into a beautiful bride. I thank God that 40 members of my family will stand with us and show their love and support to us and especially to her, they have already accepted her as family, its an honor to have them there as we make it official. And I thank Him even more that our family of friends of 90 will stand and support to fill the void of others who couldn't put their own stuff aside to stand in support of someone they love.

We have people attending who don't agree with gay marriage, we have people attending who will never agree with gay marriage, but we are honored and beyond excited that they will be there on that day with us, because bottom line, they love us....they love us.

I am not going to hide my excitement anymore, I am not going to wonder what others will think, I am not going to chose my words carefully to maybe protect someone from being offended.

In 16 days, I am getting married!!!!

In 16 days, I am marrying my best friend!!!!

In 16 days, I am marrying the love of my life!!!!

In 16 days, I am marrying my soul mate!!!!

In 16 days, I am marrying Stacey!!!!

In 16 days, I will be Mrs.Tammy Chomiak Robson!!!!

AND I CANNOT WAIT!!!!

A very dear friend of Stace sent her the following verse and I feel its fitting for what this blog is all about.

Romans 14:1-12 (The Message)
 1 Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don't see things the way you do. And don't jump all over them every time they do or say something you don't agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.
 2-4For instance, a person who has been around for a while might well be convinced that he can eat anything on the table, while another, with a different background, might assume he should only be a vegetarian and eat accordingly. But since both are guests at Christ's table, wouldn't it be terribly rude if they fell to criticizing what the other ate or didn't eat? God, after all, invited them both to the table. Do you have any business crossing people off the guest list or interfering with God's welcome? If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help.
 5Or, say, one person thinks that some days should be set aside as holy and another thinks that each day is pretty much like any other. There are good reasons either way. So, each person is free to follow the convictions of conscience.
 6-9What's important in all this is that if you keep a holy day, keep it for God's sake; if you eat meat, eat it to the glory of God and thank God for prime rib; if you're a vegetarian, eat vegetables to the glory of God and thank God for broccoli. None of us are permitted to insist on our own way in these matters. It's God we are answerable to—all the way from life to death and everything in between—not each other. That's why Jesus lived and died and then lived again: so that he could be our Master across the entire range of life and death, and free us from the petty tyrannies of each other.
 10-12So where does that leave you when you criticize a brother? And where does that leave you when you condescend to a sister? I'd say it leaves you looking pretty silly—or worse. Eventually, we're all going to end up kneeling side by side in the place of judgment, facing God. Your critical and condescending ways aren't going to improve your position there one bit. Read it for yourself in Scripture: "As I live and breathe," God says, "every knee will bow before me; 
Every tongue will tell the honest truth that I and only I am God."
So tend to your knitting. You've got your hands full just taking care of your own life before God.

Today Stace and I stood by the grave of a beautiful little baby, Cora. We watched as her grief stricken parents placed her ashes in the ground. We were fortunate enough to be a part of Cora's short but beautiful life, I was able to stand by her little bed on a few occasions and have her wrap her tiny little fingers around mine and show me how much love can be transferred from such a tiny little soul. Its days like this that remind me of what is really important in life, its days like this that remind me that regrets are not worth it, disagreement isn't worth it, and its worth telling everyone who is important to you that you love them, and tell them often, if not every day, because if you don't, one day you will look back and hope you would have done things differently, and is it really worth it?

In 16 days.

Kick Me

When I hear of people being bullied and it seems to be a common topic these days, I always feel a pang deep within me that still years later makes me cringe and wish I could forget.

I was bullied.

Grade 7 and grad 8 were both years of pure hell. I was the new kid in school and for whatever reason being poor and not up to date on the latest fashion set you up on the target board right from the start. I was called every name imaginable, I was shoved, spit on, I had property stolen and one of the worst things that stands out in my mind was one of the literal Big Bullies in my school stuck a kick me sign on my back and in the middle of class literally kicked me in the back with his whole body weight. But I couldn't cry or react, I took it, looked at my desk and pushed through the incredibly huge lump in my throat and the stinging pain raging through my back and dared not look up to look into the faces of everyone else laughing at me.

People are cruel.

But I survived as I can type this tonight knowing full well I am incredibly loved by a great deal of people.

Yet I allow those moments to still haunt me at times. I allow my mind and heart to go to a dark place and every fiber in me feels its affects.

Last week when I was trying to get tired I was on facebook doing what we all have done. You click on someone's name and it takes you on a continual journey through the lives of people you don't know, yet you look on through their pictures, read a little here and a little there and you all of a sudden realize your just snooping into the lives of other people. This time I clicked too far.

I came across an old friend, actually a really good old friend. I was in her wedding, we spent years being two peas in a pod. Someone who I invested years of my life in. Things unfortunately ended between us and it was a matter of me walking away for my own sake, for my own protection. This friend wasn't willing to hear me out, so as it is, it ended. I often think of her and wonder where life has brought her and have often thought I hope life has been kind to her.

Well the other night there she was, her facebook page. My curiosity got the best of me and I clicked on her profile, and it was open. First thing that immediately jumped out was in her pictures that scroll across the top, I saw me in a picture with her and some other old friends who I used to be friends with. I should have never clicked on it, I should have never been in her page, I should have never thought that maybe she had changed. I went on to read comments on that particular picture making fun of me written from her and from other people who were once also my friends. They were pretty low-blow immature comments, but none the less it was like an arrow ripped through my chest and brought me back to that moment in class when I was kicked in the back and everyone laughed at me.

I quickly closed my computer and tried to swallow away the lump that had formed in my throat and tried desperately not to let Stace see that I was upset. I don't know what it is about bullying, but as I felt back then as I did in that moment, I never wanted to share what I was going through, I felt ashamed and felt it better I just try and forget. But Stace knows me better then that, she could see right through me and as she repeatedly asked me what was wrong, that lump broke and the tears came and I cried and cried and cried. I felt humiliated, I felt angry, I felt disappointed. Disappointed that people who are in their 30's who were invested in my life for years would resort to such a childish display mocking me on a public open profile.

Stace bless her heart wanted to fight for me, wanted to say something on my behalf, wanted to protect me. But she did the best thing she could in that moment, she hugged me and brought me back to a place of safety and love.

But such is life. If anything it showed me I have grown and matured and moved on to much better things in life. I don't thrive on making fun of others, I don't lower myself to behavior that would bully anyone. I can see now more then ever why I am no longer friends with them, and for that I am a better person.

The friends I have in my life are beautiful, they all bring something amazing and awesome to my life, they make me a better version of me and they remind me everyday what true friendship and love means.

I will never again allow anyone to ever bully me again.

Kick me....Just try it!

"It is sad that in God's flock, the greatest wounds usually come from other sheep, not wolves."

I am realizing more and more these days that finding proper ways to respond to people is very challenging, especially when they have insulted the way our lives are being lived.

I have been incredibly blessed, that I have not been hit with emails from people who feel the need to say how they don't agree with the choice Stace and I are making in our lives, to live openly and honestly as a couple. Emails where people say, "As a follower of God, it is MY duty....", or for people to continually say, "I love you - BUT...". I have had people respond in very loving supportive ways - even people who I know don't agree. But they choose to be what I think Jesus expects us to be, loving first, among all things.

Unfortunately Stace, growing up in a very conservative Christian church, has had many "well meaning people" send her emails that state what they believe to be right. They tell her what they believe she is doing wrong in her life, and that it is their duty as a Christian to be honest to her about how she is choosing to lead a life of sin. Yet they never have the character to ask her a few simple things that would completely change the tone of the email:

What has this journey been like for you?
Tell me about how you have come to this place?
How are you doing?

People are SO afraid to show any interest in our lives, because of course if you show interest in any aspect of our lives, that means you must agree with us. They go so far the opposite way with their words that more damage is done in the end.

Why am I writing all this? Why am I taking a stand for the person who means the most to me?

1: Because it's easy to write an email to someone, especially when we have no clue what the other person has been through on the other end. Its incredibly easy to press "SEND" and walk away and not see the effects of the person on the other end, who is left to read the words. It's cowardly and ignorant, and a very easy way to avoid facing someone and looking them in the eye, because I am sure had we run into one another in church or anywhere else, you would definitely say the "right and proper" things that we all say when we are in church.

2: Because It breaks my heart when I can see as Stace reads these emails, she is completely deflated of joy and is left feeling completely down.

3: Because I am the one who has to pick her up off the floor and help her recover from these so called "well meaning emails."

4: Because I am the one who has to remind her that God does love her, and that God is pleased with her honesty to HIM, and HIM ALONE.


5: Because as you say those things as another believer, I think you forget that you are saying those things TO another believer, your sister in Christ, your family member in God, the person who Jesus loves—just as much as He loves you.

Especially when she gets emails from people who have NO CLUE what her journey has been like, the last 16 years, and from people who don't have the courage to ask her what she has gone through, the time and hours she has spent trying to get "help". Someone even said to her one time, "Have you thought about your family?" This was such a low blow, especially when this person has no idea what Stace has been through, the agony she has fought through and the battle she has been in, and how much her family truly means to her. To never ever ask a single question, but just to drop a ton of guilt, judgement and assumptions on a life that they have not been a part of for years. Somewhere along the gossip lines, you heard what kind of life Stace was leading, so of course you felt it your duty to write that email and walk away.

Funnily enough, God works in amazing ways. Stace and I are reading "The Purpose Driven Life" right now for our devotions, and we read a chapter last night that was so incredibly fitting and encouraging, and reminded us of so many things. Chapter 21 was titled, "Protecting our Church". I tried to find a synopsis online that would best share how fitting it was for Stace and I last night, but nothing gave the full feeling of it, so I am copying it word for word. Please read it, as it was so encouraging to Stace and I, and a good reminder of so many things to everyone.

Chapter 21 - Protecting Your Church

"You are joined together with peace through the Spirit, so make every effort to continue together this way." Ephesians 4:3 (NVC)

"Most of all, let love guide your life, for then the whole church will stay together in perfect harmony." Colossians 3:14 (LB)

    It is your job to protect the unity of your church.
    Unity in the church is so important that the New Testament gives more attention to it than to either heaven or hell. God deeply desires that we experience oneness and harmony with each other.
    Unity is the soul of fellowship. Destroy it, and you rip the heart out of Christ's Body. It is the essence, the core, of how God intends for us to experience life together in His church. Our supreme model for unity is the Trinity. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are completely unified as one. God himself is the highest example of sacrificial love, humble other-centeredness, and perfect harmony.
    Just like every parent, our heavenly Father enjoys watching His children get along with each other. In His final moments before being arrested, Jesus prayed passionately for our unity. It was our unity that was uppermost in His mind during those agonizing hours. That shows how significant this subject was.
    Nothing on earth is more valuable to God than His church. He paid the highest price for it, and He wants it protected, especially from the devastating damage that is caused by division, conflict, and disharmony. If you are a part of God's family, it is your responsibility to protect the unity where you fellowship. You are commissioned by Jesus Christ to do everything possible to preserve the unity, protect the fellowship, and promote harmony in your church family and among all believers. The Bible says, "Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." How are we to do this? The Bible gives practical advice.
    Focus on what we have in common, not our differences.
Paul tells us, "Let us concentrate on the things which make for harmony, and on the growth of one another's character." As believers we share one Lord, one body, one purpose, one Father, one Spirit, one hope, one faith, one baptism, and one love. We share the same salvation, the same life, and the same future—factors far more important than any difference we could enumerate. These are the issues, not our personal differences, that we should concentrate on.
    We must remember  that it was God who chose to give us different personalities, backgrounds, races, and preferences, so we should value and enjoy those differences, not merely tolerate them. God wants unity, not uniformity. But for unity's sake we must never let differences divide us. We must stay focused on what matters most—learning to love each other as Christ has loved us, and fulfilling God's five purposes for each of us and His church.
    Conflict is usually a sign that the focus has shifted to less important issues, things the Bible calls, "disputable matters." When we focus on personalities, preferences, interpretations, styles, or methods, division always happens. But if we concentrate on loving each other and fulfilling God's purpose, harmony results. Paul pleaded for this: "Let there be real harmony so there won't be divisions in the church. I plead with you to be of one mind, united in thoughts and purpose."
    Be realistic in your expectations.
Once you discover what God intends real fellowship to be, it is easy to become discouraged by the gap between the ideal and the real in your church. Yet we must passionately love the church in spite of its imperfections. Longing for the ideal while criticizing the real is evidence of immaturity. On the other hand, settling in for the real without striving for the ideal is complacency. Maturity is living with the tension.
    Other believers will disappoint you and let you down, but that's no excuse to stop fellowshiping with them. They are your family, even when they don't act like it, and you can't just walk out on them. God tells us, "Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love."
    People become disillusioned  with the church for many understandable reasons. The list could be quite long: conflict, hurt, hypocrisy, neglect, pettiness, legalism, and other sins. Rather than being shocked and surprised, we must remember that the church is made up of real sinners, including ourselves. Because we're sinners, we hurt each other, sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally. But instead of leaving the church, we need to stay and work it out if at all possible. Reconciliation, not running away, is the road to stronger character and deeper fellowship.
    Divorcing your church at the first sign of disappointment or disillusionment is the mark of immaturity. God has things He wants to teach you, and others, too. Besides, there is no perfect church to escape to. Every church has its own set of weaknesses and problems. You'll soon be disappointed again.
    Groucho Marx was famous for saying he wouldn't want to belong to any club that would let him in. If a church must be perfect to satisfy you, the same perfections will exclude you from membership, because you're not perfect!
    Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the German pastor who was martyred for resisting Nazis, wrote a classic book on fellowship, Life Together. In it he suggests that disillusionment with our local church is a good thing because it destroys our false expectations of perfection. The sooner we give up the illusion that a church must be perfect in order to love it, the sooner we quite pretending and start admitting we're all imperfect and need grace. This is the beginning of real community.
    Every church could put out a sign "No perfect people need apply. This is a place for those who admit they are sinners, need grace, and want to grow."
    Bonhoeffer said, "He who loves his dream of community more than the Christian community itself becomes a destroyer of the latter. . . .If we do not give thanks daily for the Christian fellowship in which we have been placed, even when there is no great experience, no discoverable riches, but mush weakness, small faith, and difficulty; if on the contrary, we keep complaining that everything is paltry and petty, then we hinder God from letting our fellowship grow."
    Choose to encourage rather than criticize.
It is always easier to stand on the sidelines and take shots at those who are serving than it is to get involved and make a contribution. God warns us over and over not to criticize, compare, or judge each other. When you criticize what another believer is doing in faith and from sincere conviction, you are interfering  with God's business: "What right do you have to criticize someone else's servants? Only their Lord can decide if they are doing right."
    Paul adds that we must not stand in judgement or look down on other believers whose convictions differ from our own: "Why, then, criticize your brother's actions, why try to make him look small? We shall all be judged one day, not by each other's standards or even our own, but by the standard of Christ."
    Whenever I judge another believer, four things instantly happen: I lose fellowship with God, I expose my own pride and insecurity, I set myself up to be judged by God, and I harm the fellowship of the church. A critical spirit is a costly vice. The bible calls Satan "the acuser of our brothers." It's the Devil's jon to blame, complain, and criticize members of God's family. Anytime we do the same, we're being duped into doing Satan's work for him. Remember, other Christians, no matter how much you disagree with them, are not the real enemy. Any time we spend comparing or criticizing other believers is time that should have been spent building the unity of our fellowship. The Bible says, "Let's agree to use al our energy in getting along with each other. Help others with encouraging words, don't drag them down by finding fault."
    Refuse to listen to gossip.
Gossip is passing on information when you are neither part of the problem nor part of the solution. You know spreading gossip is wrong, but you should not listen to it, either, if you want to protect your church. Listening to gossip is like accepting stolen property, and it makes you as guilty as the crime.
    When someone begins to gossip to you, have the courage to say, "Please stop. I don't need to know this. Have you talked directly with this person?" People who gossip to you will also gossip about you. They cannot be trusted. If you listen to gossip, God says your a troublemaker. "Troublemakers listen to troublemakers." "These are the ones who split churches, thinking only of themselves."
    It is sad that in God's flock, the greatest wounds usually come from other sheep, not wolves. Paul warned about "cannibal Christians" who "devour one another" and destroy the fellowship. The Bible says these kinds of troublemakers should be avoided. "A gossip reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a babbler."  The fastest way to end a church or small group conflict is to lovingly confront those who are gossiping and insist they stop it. Solomon pointed out, " Fire goes out for lack of fuel, and tensions disappear when gossip stops."
    Practice God's method for conflict resolution.
In addition to the principles mentioned in the last chapter, Jesus gave the church a simple three-step process: "If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you've made a friend. If he won't listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won't listen, tell the church."
    During conflict, it is tempting to complain to a third party rather then courageously speak the truth in love to the person you're upset with. This makes matters worse. Instead, you should go directly to the person involved.
    Private confrontation is always the first step, and you should take it as soon as possible. If you're unable to work things out between the two of you, the next step is to take one or two witnesses to help you confirm the problem and reconcile  the relationship. What should you do if the person is still stuck in stubbornness? Jesus says to take it to the church. If the person still refuses to listen to that, you should treat that person like an unbeliever.
    Support your pastors and leaders.
There are no perfect leaders, but God gives leaders the responsibility and the authority to maintain the unity of the church. During interpersonal conflicts that is a thankless job. Pastors often have the unpleasant task of serving as a mediator between hurt, conflicting, or immature members. They're also given the impossible task of trying to make everyone happy, which even Jesus could not do!
    The Bible is clear about how we are to relate to those who serve us: " Be responsive to your pastoral leaders. Listen to their counsel. They are alert to the condition of your lives and work under the strict supervision of God. Contribute to the joy of their leadership, not its drudgery. Why would you want to make things harder for them?"
    Pastors will one day stand before God and give an account of how well they watched over you. "They keep watch over you as men who must give an account." But you are accountable, too. You will give an account to God of how well you followed your leaders.
    The Bible gives pastors very specific instructions on how to deal with divisive people in fellowship. They are to avoid arguing, gently teach the opposition while praying they'll change. warn those who are argumentative, plead for harmony and unity, rebuke those who are disrespectful of leadership, and remove divisive people from the church if they ignore two warnings.
    We protect the fellowship when we honor those who serve us by leading. Pastors and elders need our prayers, encouragement, appreciation, and love. We are commanded, "Honor those leaders who work so hard for you, who have been given the responsibility of urging and guiding you along in your obedience. Overwhelm them with appreciation and love!"
    I challenge you to protect and promote the unity of the church. Put your full effort into it, and God will be pleased. It will not always be easy. Sometimes you will have to do what's best for the body, not yourself, showing preference to others. That's one reason God puts us in a church family —to learn unselfishness. In community we learn to say "we" instead of "I" and "our" instead of "mine." God says, "Don't think only of your own good. Think of other Christians and what is best for them."
    God blesses churches that are unified. At Saddleback Church, every member signs a covenant that includes a promise to protect the unity of our fellowship. As a result, the church has never had a conflict that split the fellowship. Just as important, because it is a loving, unified fellowship, a lot of people want to be a part of it! In the past seven years, the church has baptized over 9,100 new believers. When God has a bunch of baby believers He wants to deliver, He looks for the warmest incubator church He can find.
    What are you doing personally to make your church family more warm and loving? There are many people in your community who are looking for the love and and place to belong. The truth is, everyone needs and wants to be loved, and when people find a church where members genuinely love and care for each other, you would have to lock the doors to keep them away.
This whole chapter came at a very fitting time. Stace was down and my back was up ready to fight for her. I know as much as others have to respond in love to us, even harder, we are called to respond in love when we have been hurt. That is the true challenge of grace.

People are too quick to write convicting emails, they jump to words and assumptions they really have to idea about. What would it ever hurt to send an email that says, "Hey, how are you, how has life been for you?". Especially after years apart.

Stace often says, "Don't be afraid to love too much. If in 50 years, you are laying on your death bed, I am sure one regret you won't be saying is, 'Wow I wish I didn't love as much as I did'."

God's not afraid to love us, so why then are you?

Happy Birthday Greg!

Its my brothers birthday today and today I wish I could be home to celebrate with him. I don't think he knows how much I appreciate having him in my life. Yes when we were younger he was mean to me (or so I think), as I think all big brothers are supposed to be. But one thing always stood out even back then, I knew no matter what Greg would always stand up for me and protect me in a heart beat no matter what. I don't think he knows this, but when I was in grade 7 and 8, those two years were complete and utter hell for me. I was picked on constantly and tormented beyond what any person should be. I hated my life and hated everything and everyone around me. I internalized it all and barely lived day to day. Greg used to drive me back to school every day after lunch, and as much as he seemed annoyed by this simple act, I don't think he realizes how much this saved me from so much. I was able to avoid the kids who targeted me for everything under the sun, I didn't have to walk through the teasing and tormenting that so many threw my way. Although it probably took him less then 2 minutes to do each day, it was 2 minutes I was so grateful for and even though its in the past and something he probably would never even think about, it was something that helped me make it through those years of hell. Greg has seen me at my worst and seen me at my best and has always stood by me in everything that I have done. We are both shy and we are both emotional. We both have the same stunning eyes and Stace often jokes that if we just switched our hair we would be the same person! We both love Grandma's and Mom's cooking and I think we each took a little of that talent that they possess. We both love coffee and breakfast. We both love all animals and really aren't able to live without them. We both have amazing partners in life, Stace and Kerri are two of the kindest sweetest most beautiful souls I know. Thank you for being the best big brother anyone could ever ever ask for, my life is better because I have you in it. 

Happy Birthday to you Greg. I love you, Tammy

Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero ~ Marc Brown

My Story About Colour....or Something Along Those Lines

**This is purely Metaphorical, "white" and "black" refer to no one person in particular, other then a bunch of thoughts running through my mind as of late. I used the word "yellow" just because.**

Time to get your imaginations going.

Imagine yellow is something that is a very controversial thing in every day life. And in some places its starting to be accepted, in others its not. Slowly though, more and more people are being honest about their love of yellow but just the same many are still hiding their "secret". Yellow is a subject that can cause hurt and anger and has been known to tear friendships and families apart. And don't even try to bring up yellow in church because that is a whole other war story. Unfortunately people begin to put their own thoughts into what they believe God feels about yellow and use their own assumptions and conclusions to teach God's "truth" to those yellow lovers.

Now imagine two people, lets call them "white" and "black". Here are their stories.

White's reality was that yellow was something it encountered earlier in life. It was something that they struggled with but because of fear, it was never talked about. Finally White eventually gave into yellow and it became a true reality in its life. White's family disapproved and kicked it out, White lost many friends and because of the gossip and hurt, White eventually left church and thought for sure God had left it. After many years being broken away from friends, family and church, White thought the only way to regain relationship with everyone including God was to denounce yellow in its life and go and live the life everyone wanted it to live, free of yellow. It was a hard journey and as painful as it was White eventually was able to bury yellow away and be the person everyone wanted it to be. In doing so everyone was so happy, white regained family, friends, God and church.

Now lets say years later Black is making its way through life when out of no where yellow becomes a true reality in its life. For sure Black thought this was something it would never ever deal with, but the reality was yellow was there. Black prayed about it, talked to people about it and did a lot of soul searching. Eventually Black accepted this reality and lifted it up to God. Black knew deep down that this would be a hard journey but knew it would not be doing it alone, black knew and felt God's love. black lifted this up to God and said this is yours to deal with within me, do what you feel necessary. black went on with its life and eventually was honest with everyone in its life, there were mixed reactions some good, some bad, but overall most people were supportive of Black. Black realized it could remain a yellow lover and still maintain meaningful loving relationships from friends, family and most importantly God. Black did not have to change for anyone or answer to anyone except God.

Now at some point in life White will cross paths with Black. What will happen? Will they get along? Will they resent one another? Will they be courteous? Will they be able to see what things they have in common?

My thoughts are the following. (And these are purely my thoughts, nothing else)
I think that maybe White resents Black. White resents the fact that Black was able to come to a place of peace within itself. White resents the fact that black found peace with God with where it is at in life. White resents Black because Black maintained friendships and family and didn't have to be someone else to please everyone, Black didn't have to go through hell to give up yellow. And nowadays Yellow is much more accepted then it was even a few years ago making White a little resentful that Black seems to have it so easy these days.

So what does White do with all this. (And again these are purely my thoughts). White surrounds itself with only others who believe in the same way it does. White pours themselves into any conference, group or protest that says "Yellow is wrong and everyone can change". White makes it its mission in life to convince Black and anyone else who believes yellow is okay - that they are living a life of sin. That by Black having yellow in its life, it is living out lies and not living to its full potential. White continually points out the wrong in Black in a "loving way" and gives Black scripture and "truths" from God. White tells Black that they are justifying their behavior and not living in truth. White assumes a whole heap of things in regard to Blacks lifestyle, and never invites Black in to get to know the real Black. Arguments occur, guilt is dropped, divides are made, bridges are broken, relationships are passed up....all in the name of what?

LOVE?

Or maybe Bitter Indignation?

Sometimes in my own life I feel like because I have chosen one path that many do not agree with, that I am instantly targeted. I also realize more and more that many people out there who have chosen to go down a different path seem almost bitterly angry about wanting to convince me of my so called wrong doing. And sometimes the worst opposition I receive is from those who used to walk the same path as me, but no longer do so. I feel like they have a need to change everyone - change what they used to be - within me. Everyone's journey is different, everyone's walk with God, everyone's faith will be a different path. God will meet us where we are at, regardless of what path we chose. I respect those who walk a different path then me, I respect those people who needed to change for whatever their reasons were. I have never felt the need to push my thoughts or my opinions on them or make them feel any less of a person because we walk different paths.

I have heard the words sexual immoral, sexual dysfunction, sex partner, broken, lost, fallen, etc. The truth actually is, Stace is the only person I have ever dated in my life. She is the only person I have ever fallen in love with and committed to 100%. I have NEVER slept around, I don't just associate with the gay community, nor do I just associate to the straight community, to me we are all one in the same. I have not watered down my faith, changed scripture to fuel my lifestyle, nor have I walked away from God.

My path is different, just like your path is.

I wish we would all see colour in a different light sometimes and realize that when you actually unite in love, unite in faith, unite in friendship that black doesn't remain black, and white doesn't remain white, but to me sometimes the most beautiful colour in this world is Grey.